Life of endless possibilities

2007-06-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

Life of a tai-tai wannabe: if WakeUpTime(Jo)<= WakeUpTime(Hubby) make breakfast for hubby say goodbye to hubby endifmake breakfast for self if Level(LaundryBasket) = High do laundry endif if Level(Sink) = High do dishes endif if Level(Kettle) = Low boil water endif if Level(Mess) = High

2007-03-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

It's been so long, hasn't it, dear blog? Yet, this seems to be the perfect time to pick up from where i left off, with that love poem. First was the mother of all Indian wedding in Madras, followed by the most perfect dream wedding party at the Art Museum, I finally feel satiated, satisfied, settled. Even now, two days after the party, the both of us are still bathing in it's afterglow,

2006-10-12T05:17:00.000-07:00

During one of those rare inspired moments:i love you or maybe i don't for love is such a difficult thing to grasp but some things i know you're never far from my mind and the moment we part i long to be where you are being with you there is laughter there are tears i feel alive i fear the unknown of what may comefor what we have seems too beautiful to last yet i will

2006-10-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

In jest i said, "I no longer know what to write coz there's no angst to drive my writing." Just when i thought the end of my writing career is near, something comes along and drives me here once again.i am totally dissatisfied with my work. I swear this will be the last time i ever get myself a 'propah' 9-to-midnight job. Tired of being overworked, underpaid, and feeling guilty about getting my

2006-09-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

India photos!http://www.flickr.com/photos/instantoats/

2006-08-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

India Week 2.My mantra for this trip is: THE TOTAL INDIAN EXPERIENCE! It's a fabulous mantra, if I may say so, allowing one to sail through the highs and lows of a country that can bring out the best and the worse in people.The Indian Experience List1. Washing your ass after a poop with water instead of toilet paper2. Seeing people hang off buses. It's definitely not the same seeing it in person.

2006-08-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

Mad in Madras.Day 1: Singapore-ChennaiMom drove me to the airport today. We chatted over coffee for a while, and when it was time to go, she gave me a hug at the departure gate. Undramatic, but a major milestone nonetheless. To be able to receive love, and to be able to give love. Considering the struggle we had over the past two years, this experience is priceless.Chennai has a lot of white

2006-06-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Today, i thought to myself, maybe i'd become a soft porn writer with my own website, and sell sex toys online.

2006-06-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

wow, it's been three long months since my last post. the silence is deafening isn't it? there were so many things i wanted to write about, yet i couldn't find the words, and sometimes, it was simply because i was too exhausted.i had taken up the offer of a short term IT contract at a friend's marketing firm since December, and while i can sense the start of a quiet passion for my work which

2006-03-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr SeussI like Dr Seuss...

2006-03-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

Hello one and all... after many days of typing away at da keyboard and staring at my Dell computer screen, I'd like to invite you to be the first to see... www.talkyummy.combon appetito

2006-02-19T01:42:00.000-08:00

Bring on the booze guys! Coz it's time to celebrate!Work nowadays involve search engine optimization, sexy lingerie, sex toys, social networks and e-commerce. A heady mix by most people's standards. And my great discovery this week? That instantoats.blogspot.com, which is close to 3 yrs old, has a PageRank of 2 on the eminent Google!At last! There is meaning to life! Something I can boast to my

2006-01-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

One of the things that brings a smile to my face is this. Seeing couples catch a warm sloppy kiss in the midst of the hustle and bustle of daily life, oblivious to the world, in that space that they've created for themselves. Makes me go awwww, and warms my heart. Reminds me of my love across the ocean, and that, too, brings a smile to my face.So keep kissing, people! You make my day. :*btw, this

2005-12-19T07:04:00.000-08:00

The 5 min artist protests in her little way the way sex education is being taught in schools.

2005-12-18T17:23:00.000-08:00

I wish somebody would just die so I have an excuse to not go to work.

2005-12-12T06:08:00.000-08:00

another life?what is it like to live in the shadow of another? and realising that the very shadow that you try to run away from has become simply - you? How do you run from yourself? Where do you hide? What do you do to drown out the screams? And what do you do when you can no longer ignore them? Is the sound of despair a cry? Or a moan? What is that thing that churns in your gut?What do you do

2005-12-11T00:45:00.000-08:00

http://www.lulu.com/theresawongThis is the work of a dear friend, Theresa and her husband. When I looked at the pictures, something just stirred in my heart. Yes, the pictures were beautiful, but more than that, these are the works of a very talented friend, and I'm feeling so proud of her. Very touching moment now *dabs tears*. It's just wonderful to see her come up with her stuff, and sweetie,

2005-12-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

One of the many many spams i receive in a day:See why people everywhere have come to depend on our shop to retail inexpensive substitute to costly medecin charrges.Anxiety? But too embarrassed to see the dooctor? No pre-existing prisscription requested here.We are capable to meet our client's urgent demand.Rest your mind, helpful customer service representatives are here all day to help you with

2005-11-12T05:44:00.000-08:00

Response to Straits Times article whether sex education should go beyond the message of abstinence.I think we need to consider the purpose of sex education beyond just the teenage years. While it is true that the number of teenagers having abortions and STD is a concern, there are also many adults who are just as ignorant or reckless. Isn’t it time that we start educating our young on not just

2005-11-06T05:20:00.000-08:00

i love this... makes my heart melt... ;)I wanna make you smile whenever you're sadCarry you around when your arthritis is badAll I wanna do is grow old with youI'll get your medicine when your tummy achesBuild you a fire if the furnace breaksOh it could be so nice, growing old with youI'll miss youKiss youGive you my coat when you are coldNeed youFeed youEven let ya hold the remote controlSo let

2005-10-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

October. Fall.The only reminder of the seasons in tropical Singapore is the rain, painting the skies with my favourite color -- melancholic gray. The time when things seem to slow and draw to a close, before rebirthing in the new year.This is also a beautiful season. The very word conjures up images of trees ablaze with rich autumn colours. Having enjoyed the freshness of spring, and the heat of

2005-09-24T06:27:00.000-07:00

to love without possessingto love simply becauseto love in spite oftrue love or pure stupidity?both.why? because i choose to.in love there is no fearin love there is no controlin love one flies free

2005-06-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

Is it better to love or be loved? Who loves whom more in your relationship? Would you ever want to switch places?

2005-06-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

What would I want by the time I'm 30? *which is actually not that far away*1. stable income/financial independence2. have my own place to stay3. be in a loving growing committed relationship4. less angst5. actively creating the life that i want: fun, full, fabulousmay this come back and haunt me.

2005-06-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

It's almost four months since I signed on the dotted line that made me join the ranks of the dreaded species called insurance agent. It's been quite interesting, in a way to see the response of people I know when I mention to them my change of vocation. From a cautious "oooookaaay..", as if any wrong move would mean certain death, to concerned questions, like why any sane person with a decent job

2005-05-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

*wail* my laptop has finally breathed it's last. will anyone support the laptop fund?!how to do that? buy a personal accident policy from me. *grin*

2005-05-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

It ain't over till the fat lady sings... at Harry's maybe? or the lovely margarita place that is Iguana's?The last blog was total misery wasn't it? Hormonal changes in bad situations maketh not a good combination. Yes, it's true, one as cheery as me is subject too to the horror that is PMS. Now, now if you guys think that is to be lightly brushed off, I shall kick you in the arse right now, and

2005-04-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ten Steps to Heaven, or Hell as some would say.1. Make sure to have ample time, dun wanna rush through it do we? ;)2. Creat playlist of fav songs such as Eagles, Tracy Chapman, Carol King, Bee Gees, Sarah Mchlacan3. Lock room door4. Turn on air-con5. Light candle6. Play songs7. Drink some wine8. Slit wrist9. Drink more wine10. Drip till morningIt's a nice way to die, isn't it? When life gets

2005-04-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. Tired of living life to please everyone around me, living according to everyone's expectations of what's right and good. It's my f***ing life, and it's time I live it for me.

2005-03-01T20:02:00.000-08:00

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% MaleYour brain is a healthy mix of male and femaleYou are both sensitive and savvyRational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headedBut you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeveWanna find out wat sex is your brain? http://www.blogthings.com/genderbrainquiz/

2005-02-20T18:15:00.000-08:00

Had a little realisation the other day. You know how when you drive faster, you're become more focussed? I think that applies to the rest of life as well. Gonna give myself a little kick in the butt and get out of my slacker don't want to do anything with my life coz it's all meaningless mode. And time to get thing going, simply because I can. *smug*Mantra of the moment: Ride fast, focus hard.

2005-01-22T21:40:00.000-08:00

Open palms I think life takes on a different quality when one holds the things in it loosely. Seeing everything that comes our way as a gift. Cherish the good things while they are around, but let them go if and when they do. What difference does it make if we try to grasp tightly? Like sand they'd slip away faster the tighter we hold. Accept the not so enjoyable things too, coz like taichi,

2004-12-27T03:01:00.000-08:00

Addicted There's something beautifully melancholic in an addict. Not the type that pretends to be strong and denies addiction. But one that knows that he's chained, and yet, still reaches for the very thing that chains him. Sold to a lie, and learning to make do with it.

2004-12-22T19:38:00.000-08:00

In the final scene of the movie Brazil, we see the lead actor escaping to the beautiful countryside with his heroine in a truck. And then we realise that all this is just a figment of his crazed imagination. Yet, to him, that is as real as it gets. And perhaps, he's all the better for it. Always wondered what it'd be like to be mad. What does it take to push one over that fine line? Can I go

2004-12-20T05:31:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you are no longer able to fit into the mould that you've been expected to fill? Do you go on pretending until you're found out and be forced to face the horror and disappointment that you've imagined for the longest time? Do you rebel in anger, determined break every inch of that mould? Do you decide that perhaps that mould was right and you were wrong, and beat yourself till

2004-12-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

SIN-MEL-BALI-SIN. Bali. First time alone in a new city. It's an interesting experience really. Resisting the urge to pick up the mobile and sms to everyone on the phone book just to feel connected. Silencing the voices in my head that are talking and singing all at the same time, because they fear that, silence. And then, finally, to let every sight, sound, smell and taste of this new place to

2004-10-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

This question has been bugging me for days, can anyone explain to me why the man who was behind me on the MRT escalator made the effort to climb 5 steps up just to stand in front of me and be first in line? Is it a male ego thing? Is my butt that ugly?

2004-10-06T06:54:00.001-07:00

Who are you? What do you stand for? Why are you doing what you're doing? What experiences shaped you? Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time? What would you do if you knew you'd be dead this time tomorrow? What's your biggest dream? What's your biggest regret? Who's the most significant person in your life? What are you living for? Are you waiting for something? What's the one question

2004-09-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

Transience A whisper and a sigh Starless skies, moonlit nights Strangers walking by Wave of a hand, a kiss goodbye It's a transient world we live in, and we lead very fleeting lives. Yet, people seem to seek something permanent in the face of all these. Making promises of forever which they cannot realise, but try to anyway. Very hopeful or very deluded? I wonder.

2004-09-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

Promise You promised the sky Why should I believe you You said I could fly But nothing seems true Hope is gone Trust is lost Faith has died You win, I lose It seems like a game I thought I knew the rules Things started to change Was is I, or was it you Hope is gone Trust is lost Faith has died You win, I lose Nothing ever means the way it seems to be Nothing ever works out the way it should

2004-09-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

You know you're spending way too much time online when your virtual nick gets more hits on Google than your real name ;)

2004-09-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

Once again, I face an uninspired night, sitting in front of the screen with nothing to write. No angst, no story, no poetry. Just waiting. Nervous heaves of breaths, wondering when the spark would come. Perhaps when I take that next breath... Silliness. That's what it is.

2004-08-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

Day 68, the day after the end. The last few weeks have been a blur of twirling and whirling and swirling to swing jazz and *eww* ragtime with Russians and Ukrainians and Spaniards and Norwegians and Swedes and Americans and French and Aussies. Meeting the who's who and up-and-coming people in the world of swing and tap. There's something in the air of Herrang that intoxicates. If there's lindy

2004-07-05T03:56:00.000-07:00

Day 32 We haven't killed each other yet. Cool :) I'm thankful for Huey Ming who is so easy to get along with, and i guess it helps that we have the same priorities: food and shopping. I'm thankful for the friends and strangers who became friends, who opened their arms and their homes to hostel-weary travellers such as us, to provide us with clean beds, private bathrooms, and non-disposable

2004-06-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

Day 20. While I can't say that I miss home, I'd have to agree with whoever that said that one of the best thing about travelling is that it makes one appreciate home. It's also understanding a little more how the curse of a life of wandering for Cain could mean. Life without rest. Not to say that I'm all flat out and ready to go home. I'm not. Because I'm not done yet. The search is not yet

2004-06-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

Day 10. Switzerland. Land of precision timing, beautiful alps, and warm people. It's a beautiful place to be train-ing through. The civic consciousness of the people is fabulous and how people go out to you to make sure you're ok ie. not lost, really warms the heart. Ah Soh says we'd be spoilt by the Swiss coz the rest of Europe ain't like this. Italy. Land of exceptions. Every other train we

2004-06-11T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well, after the tres exciting and drooling report by Ah Soh, few things need to be said. The Hostess with the Mostest and the Host with the Most truly lived up to their names. I've had an amazing time with Huey Ming, visiting the places and tasting the dishes on Ah Soh's bloggie. It's like meeting a celebrity in person! What's most important on a trip like this? The journey? The destination? The

2004-06-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

OK, here we go. I'd be off on a plane in 6 hours, heading to Zurich, Switzerland. I'd be carrying a backpack and walking the well-travelled roads of Europe in my new Timberland boots for two months. I will experience a little bit more of this place called Earth, and the creatures that crawl upon it. I will taste the milk of human kindness as I open my mouth to ask, and I will see the evil that

2004-05-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

4 week's work!

2004-05-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

Here's what I've done in the past month: Spent two weeks in Thailand Launched my own fashion label, which is now a week old Finished a lovely acrylic artwork Finished reading 4 books Preparing for my 2 month trip to Europe, which is exactly a week from now Completing a web project so I can go for my 2 month trip to Europe It's so stressful i can't think of anything meaningful to write on this

2004-05-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

Love. What is it really? I mentioned it in a previous blog, but the more I thought about it, the more I realise how little I know of it. What is it beyond sexual attraction, fulfilling of emotional and psychological need or a seeking of a 'high'? What is it beyond the serving of our weak egos? For these are shabby rags compared to what true love can be. And surely to use the degree of happiness

2004-05-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

I hate being labelled. Everytime I do that, I find myself being squeezed into a mold that I'm not. "Oh I used to be in IT, and my card said Programmer. But I didn't do a whole lot of programming, so I'm actually doing IT support, and occassionally programming. But that's not what I do now. I was exploring so you can call me an Explorer, but you probably wouldn't understand it the way I meant.

2004-05-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Bloggie :) It's been an amazing year journeying through this blog. And as I read and re-read the ponderings of my cluttered mind then, I'm amazed. Deeply amazed. Seek and ye shall find, the Word said. I sought but I didn't find. No, I was found. Have you ever thrown a question at the cosmos, not expecting an answer, but an answer came anyway? Nothing but the divine, nothing but

2004-04-10T21:43:00.000-07:00

Freedom. To be free. Those who seek it, don't have it. Those who want it, can't get it. The harder you try, the further it gets. Seems like this and a whole lot of other things worth having in life are like that, such happiness, and contentment. Have we been looking in the right place? Most people seek to be free from things that bind them. And to that end they run with all their might. But

2004-03-26T08:48:00.000-08:00

What do you seek, my beloved friend? I seek to understand. The why and how of things I see, And what makes me a man. What lies beyond the highest skies? What lurks beneath the deep? Peals of joy which fool me, Confusion when I weep. The road less travelled is rocky And goes through foreign lands But on the road lies wisdom That I may be a man.

2004-03-24T19:53:00.000-08:00

Where is the way, the secret path To the garden deep within? I heard my mistress call me I'm not sure if it's a dream I trudged through lonely mountains I travelled many seas In search of mystic callings A world that is unseen A place my mind can't bring me A place I can't perceive Where is the way, the secret path To the garden deep within?

2004-03-22T05:15:00.000-08:00

For my sis: Walk not the wide and easy Fear not the narrow way Want not temporal glories Turn not from the Beloved's gaze Happy Birthday

2004-03-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

What do you want? What do you really want? Really? Why do people settle for the mediocre? Scratching at the bits and pieces on the surface of life? They are too easily satisfied, and I paraphrase C.S. Lewis, settling for the slumps even though they've been offered a holiday by the sea. Where is greatness? Where is eternity? How many things in life are worth giving your all for? Not many. If you

2004-03-05T07:20:00.000-08:00

It's been five months since I left the 'working world'. I love not having to wake up at eight in the morning if i don't want to. But i still do. I love not having to work till six because i'm supposed to. But i do and sometimes a little bit more. I love the freedom of being able to decide what i want to do with my day, instead of having work imposed on me. I work all the same, but it's my work.

2004-02-25T23:33:00.000-08:00

Many little musings... One. The words on the signboard says something to the effect of 'Allah is great'. Nary an eyebrow raised, nor awkwardness. To be devout is expected, and having the faith as a way of life accepted. Now change the object of faith to Jesus Christ, and the air comes to a standstill and walls are built in the mind. It's not fair. Then again, when is life ever fair? Yet, we look

2004-02-20T18:53:00.000-08:00

I'm an uncool person doing very cool things. Does that make me cool? No. Does that give me the semblance of being very cool? Indeed. But I don't want to do. I want to be. Do people judge me by my actions rather than my substance? When you say that I'm cool, are you talking about the things I do, or me? I wonder, how much does what I do reflect who I am? Do the words I type here bare my very

2004-02-13T19:22:00.000-08:00

Because I choose to Sometimes I wonder if I evaluate myself too much. Dissecting and analysing my actions and responses to people and situations around me. All this in a bid to know myself a little better. How much is too much, you ask? Guess it's all quite relative. Too much, perhaps, compared to some people I know. Yet, surely one can never know oneself too much? So I found myself helping out

2004-02-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

Masterpiece Imagine a masterpiece Captured in life Is pain and death Is deep and black Never in song My glorious art Our world emphasises too much on being happy, perhaps because it lacks it so much. And it runs away from pain and distress a little too quickly, i think, to it's detriment. A bit of sorrow is good for the heart. Don't run away.

2004-01-02T05:27:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone. As usual, my rhetoric about social concerns and my trying to bring myself to a higher plane of existance had turned to naught. There was much merry-making, a short bout of bad health which always follow my indulgences, and some attempts at reflecting and contemplating during the new year holidays. The past six months has been one of the wildest I've had, and I had to

2003-12-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas is just around the corner, and it never fails to bring a sense of warmth, which we all need since the monsoon season is also here. It's carries with it a fuzzy glow from soft lighting of the department store, and heat transmitted from 50 watt light bulbs. Make that many 50 watt light bulbs. It's so easy to allow ourselves to be sold to the marketing hype, and be dulled by the many

2003-11-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

I should just keep my mouth shut when I know I don't wanna say anything even if I'm under pressure. Times like this, I just wanna kill myself with a kitchen knife thru the gut, from the left side. No need to twist the blade. So I'm not a nice person. But I try to be. The voices only talk in my head, the thoughts stay in. EXACTLY WHERE I WANTED THEM TO BE! What is worse, they get contorted and

2003-10-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

I live in a rose tinted sanitised world, and I wonder if I'll ever escape it. There were times when I've seen glimpses of a darker reality, but all too soon, I'm transported back to this bacteria free, disinfected clean room. Technically efficient but without soul. My music, my dance and maybe my life can be described as such. Unlike the jazzmen and dancers of yore whose work contain much

2003-10-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hugs. It's different getting one from a man and one from a woman. And I wish people do it more often. With more ease. It's silly that people don't hug coz those of the opposite gender might get the wrong idea. If we hug more and throw in that occasional kiss on the cheek, people won't be running amok having the wrong idea over some stupid tap on the shoulder. Duh. And this is coming from

2003-10-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

Why do people pursue happiness so vehemently? It seems to be the top priority in people's lives, and subsequently, there is so little tolerence for unhappiness. Or pain. Or suffering. Is there nothing beyond that? I see it in myself when my desires to dance seem to supercede many things, and I struggle to prioritise it rightly and responsibly. I see myself perpetuate this same idea when I tell

2003-09-26T02:50:00.000-07:00

"It came to me when I attempted to classify your species, and I realised that you are not actually mammals. You see, every mammal establishes a natural equilibrium with its natural habitat. But you humans do not...you habitate one area and consume all the natural resources before spreading to another area... There is another creature that does this: Do you know what it is? A virus. You humans

2003-09-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

Wanted to create a list of things to do before I die, but got stuck at item one. Considered shaving my head, calling this guy I liked, visiting a nudist beach, playing with a band outside of church, travelling, starting a photographic journal, writing out my family's history etc. But not one of them made it to the list. Coz each time I asked if it really mattered, the answer was no. There are

2003-09-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

Love Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the perfumes of spring. I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands; how did your lips feel on mine? Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks, the white statues that have neither voice or sight. I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten your eyes. Like a flower to its

2003-09-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

Musings of a Fool Never thought that it'd be this way A part of you came, and stayed Like perfume that lingers after you're gone That tune in my head screams It shouts of a mark, your mark It will not be erased Never thought that I'd be changed By this wind that blows so strangely If I knew how to fly, would I have let it carry me away? I wonder how I wonder why But the wonderings of a fool

2003-09-07T01:48:00.000-07:00

I want to believe that the spiritual experiences in my life are there because of something. Some big factor that I can accept, like God. But if it had involved psyching myself up, then they seem somehow tainted. False. But are they? A friend told me it's ok if we do it for the right purpose. Everyone psyche themselves up one way or another. In the office, at home, in the sports field. And indeed

2003-08-31T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today marks a new phase of my working life. I've finally left a three-year job to go 'do my thing', hoping to find something which satisfies my heart as well as my wallet. The day started with me being jolted out of my sleep, and instantoats turned into instantgrouch. Terribly unexciting way to start my journey into Life and Freedom. But as the morning goes by, I start to realise how liberated

2003-08-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

I am more than an equation. More than a reflex. More than an existance. And I now fight against that within me which says I am just those things, against feelings that want to act as though I am subject to them. Oh, and I'm loving every moment of this! For in a way, this struggle has made me feel more alive than ever. I have no answers, but this is by far better than having all the model

2003-07-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Who or what defines me as a person? Do I really have a personality? Or is my whole persona made up of that complicated fabric of the things I encounter and the place that I'm in? I'm a girl, but what makes me a girl? Is it just my physical trait? Or is it something more intrinsic? Or is it simply because I've been raised as one? I wonder. Or perhaps as Eve Ensler might say, "You are your vagina."

2003-07-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

I have recently accomplished a great feat, travelling together for 12 x 24 hours with a friend. Like what Ming said, it's always an accomplishment if we could come back on the same plane. :) I didn't think very much about it when Pam and I first decided to go to Japan together. And only halfway through the trip did it dawn upon my ditzy self how scary this whole thing was. Sure, we see each

2003-07-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

How long would you knock at a person's door before giving up? How long would you let the phone ring before putting down? How long would you pursue a dream before letting it go? How long would you suffer before making a stand? Too long.

2003-06-23T00:25:00.000-07:00

Why would people rather aimlessly drift through the sea of life, than to struggle to find a purpose? Is having a purpose all that important? Can't one simply exist? King Solomon once said, "Meaningless, meaningless. Everything is meaningless." My endeavors, my failures, even this search for meaning, it means nothing. Except perhaps to myself, and in my mind. And my allegience is to this mind.

2003-06-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

In the story of Giselle, there exist spirits that would lead those they encounter to a dance that would go on and on until they collapse dead on the floor. There are days when I'm under that spell, and desire turns into a violent passion that threatens to consume me, and I want to dance till I can dance no more. Never had the chance to do that, but I play that over and over in my head, and I see

2003-06-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

What do you do with the regrets in your life? Things you should have or shouldn't have done? Things that happened or did not happen? There are times when I simply want move on, treating them as learning episodes and grow from them. Other times, I choose to pack them in a little suitcase, carrying it around, and taking out the contents ever so often to make sure they're still there (my precious.

2003-06-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about what I want to do next. But there are so many things that I want that I don't know what I want. (Does that make sense?) On one hand, I know that I have an artsy side. I want to be a dancer, painter, makeup artist, writer. I'm not good enough to make a living out of them, but I wish I could. On the other hand, compared to the many other needs of this world I live in,

2003-06-16T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've reached the conclusion that to achieve mastery of anything, I'd have to do it for five to ten years. Oh why does it take so long to be great?! Like a child on an excursion, I find myself asking, "Are we there yet?" ever so often. And although I keep reminding myself that in the light of ten years, there's still a long way to go, I can't help but wish that things would move a wee bit faster.

2003-06-10T02:52:00.000-07:00

"No" is such a powerful word. Just as "Yes" defines who we are, "No" defines who we are not. And that is the most difficult two-letter word in my vocabulary. It's easy to say no to junk food and bad movies, but oh, I'm spineless when it comes to saying no to people. Perhaps it's because I'm easy-going, very few things matter so much that I have to fight for it. Soccer or soap opera, who cares?

2003-06-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

It's time to go. Pack up and leave. I'm not learning, I'm bored, I'm not passionate about it, I hate it here. I should stay, hang in there. Learn to look at things from a different angle, enjoy the little things in life, change my attitude, develop perseverence, where's the mental strength? I'd never know till I try. I think I'll find something I like. I want to do something that makes a

2003-05-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when people simply assume that they know exactly what you're thinking, precisely what you need, and then proceed to hurl their solutions at your face? A formula and chant for every issue under the sun. I admit that I've been guilty of doing that for most parts of my life, and now as I grapple with my life, I realise how grossly inadequate it is. Life is too complex to fit into a

2003-05-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

"I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived. All this greatness, all this potential -- how is it squandered? An entire generation pumping gas or waiting tables; or slaves with white collars. Advertisements have us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. We have no

2003-05-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

Even the ordinary have a story to tell. They do, don't they. I'm humbled by this. For ever so often, in my proud elitist manner, I speak of the ordinary as though they are a lower lifeform, to be pitied and even despised. I don't belong to them. Why? Because I see myself has uniquely me, created and designed for a destiny that belongs only to me. And so my life choices, my desires are for

2003-05-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

Just mention 'books' or 'library', and many people would start to yawn. But for me, one of my dream jobs was to be a librarian. It probably developed during those years I helped out at the school library as a kid. I loved packing books, especially non-fiction (101.02 ABB comes right before 101.02 ABC). And oh the satisfaction of having a pile of brand new books, meticulously wrapped by yours

2003-05-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

Common People I fear the mundane. I fear being so common that I blend right into the landscape. Nothing to make me stand out, nothing to differentiate me from Joe right there in the corner. I'm not just talking about looks here either. (Though I do admit that there is satisfaction to be gained from surprising people with a new look.) No, I'm talking about wanting a life that is different. All I

2003-05-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I twist my train of thoughts and line of reasoning so that everything fits snugly into that little box which has been formed very much by what I'm taught and what I believe. So subtle that I don't even realise it myself, such that my reason becomes unreasonable, and what I think, becomes more of a repetition of something I was fed, instead of being a product of my mind. It's

2003-05-20T23:46:00.000-07:00

It's impossible for mankind to heal the world. Our history has testified to that fact, and by the look of it, we ain't moving in that direction. For every event that furthers our cause, there are others that nullifies any good done. We can hope and dream of a better place but, nope, that's not gonna happen if I'm simply counting on humankind. So in answer to my last question, I think it's

2003-05-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Just realised how the blog before this sounds like something that came out of Matrix. Heh. Then again, Matrix fans would probably stone me for associating my banal thought with the philosophical depth of the movie. Oh well.... and as the bimbo in me would say, "Whatever!" Read my sister' blog contemplating the meaning of life, which reminded me too of an episode from Dexter's Lab where he dreamt

2003-05-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Pictures of Rain Everytime it rains, I have a picture in my mind. The ideal rain setting. Here's a little watchamacallit that I decided to write about just before bed yesterday. Thunder shouts across the sky, Unleashing his anger as Cloud pours forth her burden. What do you see? What do you hear? Sounds of many raindrops falling On a thick canopy of trees. Leaves so heavy with rain. A lush

2003-05-05T02:17:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what if everything that you believe in no longer holds true? How would life be? If you realise that the goals that you're chasing after, aren't exactly the things you want. How different would things be?

2003-04-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

I blog, and therefore I am. Oh that's so cheesy.